EUGENE, Ore. – “I feel like I’m living in a dystopian novel,” said a Russian citizen studying at the University of Oregon on an expired student visa. Given her current situation and growing fears of deportations, she asked to be called Nadezhda, a Russian name that means hope.

For Nadezhda, the war between Russia and Ukraine is more than a geopolitical crisis, it has unraveled her sense of identity, put a strain on her family and left her carrying the weight of guilt.

Born and raised in Russia, Nadezhda grew up listening to her grandmother’s stories about her life in Malorossia, which is now modern-day Ukraine. “I’ve always admired the Ukrainian language, which I understand and speak to some extent,” said Nadezhda. “Growing up, I took great pride in our shared history, but I also never imagined that the sovereignty of Russia and Ukraine could be questioned.” 

Nadezhda supported the Russian opposition leader Alexei Navalny, and participated in protests since becoming an adult. But within her own family, views on the war were divided. Her mother stood firmly in support of Russia’s actions. 

“Putin’s war fractured my family in a way that may never be repaired,” said Nadezhda. “On February 24, 2024, during a phone call, the words ‘we’re not family anymore’ were said. We still haven’t reconciled, and at this point, I doubt we ever will.”

The Russian invasion of Ukraine on February 24, 2024, changed everything. 

“Since the war outburst, I have been overwhelmed with confusion and guilt– guilt for what my country and a president I never voted for have done, and helpless because despite doing everything I could, it was never enough,” said Nadezhda. “More than anything, I want peace.”

Miranda Coleman, a University of Oregon Ukrainian American student, said “I pray for peace and I want Ukraine to be free and I just want this war to end.” 

But peace remains elusive. On Feb. 28, President Donald Trump and Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky clashed publicly in the Oval Office, with Trump accusing Zelensky of not pursuing peace with Russia. Days after the meeting, Trump halted U.S. military aid to Ukraine. 

"More people will suffer. More people will die," Nadezhda said. "I don’t want to think about it because I don’t want to carry yet another burden of guilt— one more thing I have no power to fix." 

Sasha Kokoeva, a Russian American student at the University of Oregon, has not been able to see her grandparents, who practically raised her, since 2015. “They were— they are— some of the most important people in my life, and I'll never be able to go back to them. I'll never be able to go back to part of my home,” said Kokeva, her voice shaking. 

As the war drags on, Russian and Ukrainian students remain thousands of miles from home, but the conflict still follows them. “I worry for the people I care about, and yet, at this point, I feel like I’m just witnessing history happen, powerless to change anything,” said Nadezhda.